Bali Day 13 - Turtles Kind of Suck.

No. It's not turtle soup. At least, not yet.

We have been trying for several days to go to the turtle conservancy. It just hasn't worked out. Until today, baby.
Kadek picked us up at the resort and we headed out to see some turtles and, if our luck held out, maybe to adopt one.
I'm thinking that we can bring it home and train it to make us delicious Arak-based cocktails. Maybe it can deliver them to us and then go make more. I was very excited about this possibility and eager to ask about the training process when our tour began.
We arrived at the conservancy and were paired up with a lovely young volunteer from Argentina who told us more facts about turtles than we had ever even considered were factually possible.

Fact #1. Turtles cannot mix Arak-based cocktails.

Fact #2. No, sir. Turtles cannot make rum-based beverages, either.

Honestly, I tuned out a bit after learning that and had to rely on Kerri to fill me in on the rest of the facts. I spent my time being sullen and far, far less enthusiastic about adopting a turtle than I had been.

Fact #3. Turtles kind of suck.

Kerri tells me that this is actually not a fact, but an opinion. She is wrong. If a turtle can't make me a cocktail; it sucks.

Fact #4. A turtle's sex is determined by the temperature of the sand that the egg sits in while it is incubating. Higher temperatures make female turtles.

Fact #5. The climate crisis is raising the temperature of the sand on beaches all over the world.

Fact #6. Almost all turtles hatching in the wild are female.

Fact #7. All female turtles means no more baby turtles.

At the conservancy, they have incubators set to lower temperatures to try to assure that some of the turtles are born male. After they are born, the turtles are placed in a small box with sand in it. The turtles walk across the sand because:

Fact #8. When turtles walk across the sand, it scrapes off their placenta.

Fact #9. Ew.

Once again, Kerri is wrong. "Ew" is not an opinion. Scraping Placenta, while an excellent name for a Deathcore band, is, objectively, "Ew".

The incubator box.

I'm fairly certain the words say "Baking some boys." in Bahasa.

The Placenta Scraping Box. Even that little kids knows that this is "Ew".

Placenta Madness

We enjoyed our tour and then were offered a chance to adopt a turtle.
"Pffft," I scoffed. "No Arak-based cocktails? Not even a simple rum-based drink? Hard pass. Turtles suck."
As I was scoffing, Kerri was filling out paperwork and adopting a turtle.

Kerri, playing the high stakes game of Which Turtle Lives?

They give you a half of a coconut shell and you scoop out the turtle that you want to adopt. Kerri picked out the livliest, feistiest little guy and scooped him into the coconut bowl. All the other ones are, I assume, fed to sharks for the amusement of tourists.

We named out turtle Lil' Kadek, after our driver, Kadek. I carried him out to Kadek, who was making new friends with the other drivers. I introduced him and told him that we named our turtle Lil' Kadek after him.
Honestly, he just seemed confused by the entire thing, but he rolled with it.

Kadek, meet Lil' Kadek.

We thought that was the end of it, that we paid to get a certificate naming our turtle Lil' Kadek and that the conservancy got a few bucks. But no! There was more. So much more!

"After you choose a turtle, the shuttle will take you to the marina where you will get on a boat and release the turtle into the ocean," the lady behind the desk explained when I asked her what I was supposed to do with this bowl of cold turtle soup I was walking around with.

Oh. Hell. Yes.

You may be surprised to hear how hard it is to carry a half coconut filled with water onto a boat without spilling it all over yourself and smelling vaguely turtley all day.

Good bye, Lil' Kadek.

There he goes!

Off into the vast ocean, most likely to get eaten in the next 10 minutes. But we tried.

And, if you're wondering if there is video evidence of Lil' Kadek's release, there is.

The water where we released Lil' Kadek was about 15' deep and crystal clear. The boat driver showed us where they were farming coral to help repopulate reefs that have been devastated by climate change and pollution. We passed a lot of small shacks floating on 55 gallon drums. They were fishing rafts where locals smoked, fished, and generally hung out in the shade, like fishermen all over the universe. We also passed huge ships that looked eerily like pirate ships. It turns out that they are actually floating Airbnbs, which was pretty cool.

Coral being grown on steel cages.

A fishing raft.

A fishing raft being attacked by an Airbnb.

The Airbnb sailing away after a deadly naval encounter.

This was waiting at the marina. I just loved the idea of the lights on, the siren wailing. People shouting, "Get out of the way! Get out of the way! This is a turtle EMERGENCY!!"

We said goodbye to the conservancy and headed out to see a few more temples.

Our next planned visits were to Taman Ujung and Tirta Gangga, two temples that we were eager to explore. The farther we got from Denpassar, the less traffic there was  and the prettier the scenery became. Okay. I know. It's not pretty yet, but it will get pretty. I promise.

I took this so I could remember the names of all the tasty foods.

I love all the gorgeous stone carving that is for sale all over the island.

And the public art that adorns so many of the roadways.

As we drove to the first temple, we passed a building that had an airplane mounted on top.
"Restaurant," Kadek murmured. "You want to eat lunch in an airplane?"
He was clearly very excited by the opportunity.
"Absolutely!" we said.
And that's how we found ourselves eating Sambal Matah pizza near an airplane. Not exactly in it.

Singaraja is a brand of beer. They are clearly trying to make this place "A Place".

This is going to be great!

Up we go!

Much of the plane was intact. But the Balinese construction we'd seen made me a bit leery. I suspect that this plane was taped to bamboo supports with about 4 inches of masking tape.

The cockpit was fun.

The closets were less fun.

And you may or may not be surprised to learn that a metal tube located in the sun on a tropical island can be a bit warmish.

But not too warm for Kerri to be an Instagram Person™.

So we had lunch outside, near the plane, where it was only 90 degrees. Not 250 degrees.

My pizza  gave me a lot of insight about how not to make a Sambal Mattah pizza and we will never speak of it again, please. After lunch, we headed off for the temples. The drive up the east coast of Bali was really beautiful. If you've ever wondered what it looks like to sit in the passenger seat and drive for 1 minute and 57 seconds in Bali, have I got a treat for you.

I mean, I assume it was beautiful. It was hard to see past this truck full of rice leaves.

Tree canopy.

Tree canopy with dumptrucks.

Rice fields between plantings.

Rice fields with kubus.

The 40 minute drive to Taman Ujung took about 90 minutes, but it was a gorgeous drive through rice fields, jungles, mountains, and monkey clusters which, I realize, sounds like another great band name, or, possibly, a candy bar.
"New Monkey Clusters! Now with 26% more monkey in every bite!"
Maybe not.
There was an oddly specific area where there were a LOT of monkeys along the side of the road. So many, in fact, that a new temple had been built in the area. It was, sadly, not called Monkey Cluster Temple. It was still under construction, but I imagine that in a year or so, it will be swarming with tourists all losing their hats, glasses, and phones to monkeys.

No tourists yet, but only because it isn't open yet.

This monkey is just waiting for your hat.

The road was also lined with dozens and dozens of women, all sitting about 20 yards apart from one another, all selling fish from big plastic buckets.

On straight stretches of road, you could easily see 10 or 12 of these women all lining the road.

Who would buy fish from women selling it out of buckets, you may wonder.

These guys would.

We also saw people selling 1 liter bottles that looked exactly like the petrol bottles for sale all over the island, but the liquid inside was a hazy yellow color.
"What is that?" I asked Kadek.
He explained that it is a drink called Tuwak. It's homemade moonshine distilled from coconuts.
"You do not drink that, okay?" he warned. "Very dangerous for you."
I'm glad he was so concerned for our safety, but the warning was completely unnecessary. The idea of buying coconut moonshine from a fishmonger on the side of the road hadn't actually crossed my mind.
Until then...

As we talked with Kadek about our plans for the day, which may now include Tuwak, he said that Tirta Gangga would probably be very crowded. We were done with very crowded, so we opted to visit Taman Ujung and call it a day.
"Is Taman Ujung very pretty?" I asked Kadek.
He thought for a moment.
"Nahhhh."
I suspect he thought I was asking if it would be crowded because Taman Ujung was absolutely stunning.
And, as a wonderful bonus, almost completely free from any other tourists.
Photo dump of Taman Ujung:

I'm not going to include explanations. Just enjoy the beauty of the place. Or don't.
After exploring and enjoying Taman Ujung, we headed back to the resort for our last night in Nusa Dua.
Tomorrow, we head to Lovina on the northern coast of Bali for our last week here.
Everyone tells us that it's very quiet there.
We're really looking forward to it.
Maybe there will be Tuwak for sale along the way...